maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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