Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
