It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
