How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize