i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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