Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
As shirtless as possible
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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