all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
