I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
