I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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