i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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