did you get engaged???
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize