I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
