The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize