well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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