i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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