High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
