Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
