This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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