What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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