Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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