my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
