so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
