why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
