I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
