Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
