I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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