I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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