i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
