and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
