My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
