Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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