My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
