We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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