As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize