Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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