Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Bring me that man meat
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
