btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Less talking, more tequila
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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