woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
