So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
