Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
