Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
