i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
