I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
