First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Randomize
