I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I need a beard to bite.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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