fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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