i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
do herpes really smell.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
