yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
