oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
