listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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