lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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