She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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