and you said cock pushups were impossible
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize