i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
