[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
