youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
