Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
