They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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