So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
