____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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