Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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