They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
