Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My bed smells like the plague
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
