i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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