Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
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