Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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