yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
