He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
