My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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