I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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