idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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