hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
