she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize