i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
