don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
