yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize