so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize